expert

I’m an expert at making my family hate me.

When I was 15 I told my father I would never get arrested. By age 16, I’d gone to juvie. Thereafter I told my family I’d clean up my act. A few days later they found me drunk at my friend’s grandmother’s house. 

When I was 16 my parents bought me a car. The year before, they had bought my sister’s car. By age 17, I had backed my car into my sister’s car and soon after my sister backed her car into mine.

When I was 17 I asked my mom to take me to get a tattoo. My parents said I could never get a tattoo. The day I turned 18, I got two.

When I was 18, I told my parents I was done finding trouble. By age 19, I had been in and out of court dozens of times.

These days, the list of things I’ve royally screwed up is innumerable. While a lot of it’s is completely and totally my fault, the things they really hate me for are the things I love myself for.

My sister told me looking at me makes her sick to her stomach because of my tattoos.

My mom saw my “keep abortion legal” sticker and told me, “We don’t support that.”

My dad keeps asking me if I support Hillary Clinton and I keep skirting the question.

My brother really likes the Rick and Bubba show and gets angry when I won’t listen to it when I take him to school.

My sister’s friend saw me wearing a shirt today that reads “Keep calm and kiss girls.” She’s a homophobe. 

My mom keeps asking me if I smoke cigarettes even though she always has a pack of marlboro menthols on her.

My dad asks daily if I’ve gotten anymore tattoos and I lie whenever I have to. I hid a half sleeve for a year, after all.

My brother hides in his room whenever I visit home, however rare that may be.

My sister cringes when, in our Spanish class, I advertise the LGBT events Safezone is organizing.

My mom keeps telling me to forgive my sister when I’d be perfectly happy if we just ignored each other’s existence.

My dad always wants me to dye my hair a more natural color. He says I look like a skunk.

I mean, I know they love me, but I talk to them more out of obligation than anything. They have done so much for me but I can’t hide my resentment. I’m tired of being forced to hide who I am. I lied for so long, and that was hard. I’ve found that avoiding them is much easier.