Mad Lib - Beautiful Tea Kettle of Stasis

3 Adjectives:

1. Beautiful
2. Light
3. Painful

3 Unforgettable Objects

1. Tea kettle
2. Rocky the raccoon
3. Charm necklace

3 Abstractions

1. Gravity
2. Freedom
3. Stasis

Title: Beautiful Tea Kettle of Stasis

Oh, you beautiful, simple contraption. I regret that I spent so much of my life only drinking iced tea, and never knew the pleasure of your company. I regret taking pills, spraying chemicals at my throat, putting my stomach through the horrors of hyperacidity. If I had only known that your hot water mixed with Yogi tea would work just as well at getting rid of insomnia, sore throats, and colds!

Every year around this time, then again in the spring, I feel my immune system battle with the germs and/or pollen/allergens. There comes a time when they seem to be at a stalemate, and one of them needs a push. I prefer it to be my immune system. I used to turn to antibiotics, then over-the-counters, then orange juice for the vitamin C. But now, I just turn to you, and the effects are so quick. The only “problem” is having to use you every few hours, but I prefer this to the side effects of the other methods.

Calling you “beautiful” may seem confusing. After all, you’re just a simple red teapot. You don’t have a timer, or anything painted on you. In fact, something is wrong with your top so that we cannot even pry it off anymore—we just have to open your spout and fill you up that way. It’s no bother. I’m sure I could find some beautifully painted tea kettle, maybe in an Asian grocery or up in the Smokies at the various artisan shops, but why fix what isn’t broken? To me, your beauty is in your practicality, your simplicity.

I don’t ever remember having a tea kettle in the house growing up. The first time I really came into contact with one was when I was interning in Washington, D.C. with my three Chinese roommates. They drank tea like it was brewed with pure happiness. The whistle of the kettle became such a part of the ambiance that they had to eventually say my name to get my attention when my own pots started boiling. I started out with Sleepytime tea, using an app that also tracked my movements in my sleep and, therefore, my quality of sleep. When I drank the tea before bed, my sleep graphs actually looked normal, with a number highs and lows representing REM and deep sleep cycles. I also felt better the mornings after I drank it. I drank that shit constantly. Then last year, I got sick around this time. My throat was killing me, and I have hated chloraseptic spray since my mom made me use it as a child. It tastes nasty, and the numbing feeling is rather disconcerting. A friend who is into homeopathic treatments told me about Yogi tea, specifically their Throat Comfort blend. I drank it as soon as it was cool enough, and was amazed. My throat immediately felt better! By the end of the mug, all the pain was gone. I ended up drinking about six cups that day because not only did it instantly cure the pain, but it tasted pretty good, too! I think I even added honey and lemon. Ever since then, I’ve been hooked, and you’ve stood up to my constant use with no complaints or denials of service.

I honestly doubt if I will ever live without a tea kettle again.