Monologue

The first time I saw you I said you had your grandmomma Virginia’s big butt. You was a squirmy little something, head all cone-shaped like them thangs that used to come on late Saturday nights. Cute as can be. I was just happy you weren’t black like yo pappy. Pick that paper up off the floor. It’s too damn many folks here. Go over there and get me some souse meat and cheese. Don’t forget to hot sauce. Girl, you need to go outside some. Run around. Bet you outta breath just walking over there. Why you didn’t get the mustard out? You thank someone fat as you know how to cook. You was fat from the first. But cute… girl, I can’t eat no sandwich with nothing to drink. Make some Kool-Aid. You’d probably get a boyfriend if they was just looking at your face. But that butt is going to get you in trouble. Put some more sugar in there. Yeah, you real book smart but common, you just like your mammy. Pickle on the side, dummy! JESUS, I swear. You keep your nose in them books baby ‘cause you sho’ as hell can’t depend on losing that weight. It ain’t baby fat now. You too old to call it that. Did you toast that bread? Well, why not? When I was your age I had bout ten callers. But here you are, sitting up with me. It’s ‘cause of yo damn daddy. Spoiling your lil’ piglet self. That man, I swear, is the damn devil. Are you a little devil baby? Ha! Wouldn’t that be something. My great-grandbabby a little devil baby. A fat lil’ imp. I been in church too long to let that happen! Oh hashanaback! Woo! Like to caught the spirit! That’s why you ain’t making that damn sandwich right. You ain’t done yet? Change the channel to my story. Which one? Girl, you been in this house every day this week and ain’t learned yet? Don’t use the good plates. Get one of them plastic ones. What you mean there ain’t none? Ann? Ann? Why yo’ baby lying to me? Not that story, Tammi. The OTHER story. Goodness! Baby, why you do the Kool-Aid like that? That was only one cup. Put in two. Every time. Same thang. I memba back in Orville… you ain’t been then since yo was bout ten months. My grandma Pearlie dies and we took you and Fe-Fe and all y’all children down there. Ooo, it was freezing, and momma house had that tin roof. I need a tray, chile! I can’t eat this on my lap. That’s what I mean. All book no common. You keep your nose in a book. What was I saying ‘bout Momma? Yeah, that funeral was long. Everybody and they momma wanted to talk. We had you bundled up like a little pig in a blanket! Had you in one of those all body cots them babies wear that be so tight you can’t move in ‘em. It was a sight to see. All us, you aunties, and uncles, and cousins all under that tin roof. That outhouse ain’t been right since! Ha! Rub my feet baby. You know. I miss my momma. She was mean as an ant on a witch’s tit, but she was a good woman! Lord, if you turn out even a little like her you be lucky. I love Vctor Newman. That white boy handsome! Love the way he run the Genona… how you say it? Why you always gotta correct somebody. Smart tail! I said Genoa City. Don’t forget that corn there. On my left pinky toe. Yeah, that it. Rub that real good. This a damn good sandwich. Go get me a new dress. I just peed.